How to Navigate Their Reactions and Create a Supportive Environment at Home
There is no doubt that we are currently living in unprecedented times. With the recent cancellation of in-school learning for the remainder of the year and the extension of our stay-at-home order, many children and teenagers are struggling to cope and effectively manage their emotions. As parents, you may be noticing several behavioral changes in your children and wondering if these are normal given the circumstances…or concerning and worthy of seeking additional support. Here are some emotional and behavioral reactions that are typical in the following age groups:
Toddlers/Preschoolers
- Increase in temper tantrums
- Frequent crying episodes
- Difficulty falling and staying asleep
- Trouble sitting still
- Verbalizing fears (often fantasy-based)
- Greater attachment to primary caregivers/difficulty separating
- Regression (e.g., baby talk, accidents after being potty trained, etc.)
Elementary Aged Children
- More frequent meltdowns
- Frequently seeking reassurance (“Are we going to be okay?”)
- Sleep disturbances
- Increased moodiness/irritability
- Appear more “clingy”
- Difficulty separating from family
- Somatic complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Middle and High School Aged Children
- Increased loneliness/sadness over loss of in-person social connections
- Sense of loss regarding missed milestones and activities
- More frequent defiance or pushback, particularly regarding social distancing
- Increased irritability
- Difficulty concentrating
- Changes in eating and sleeping habits
- Withdrawal
- Expressing feelings of boredom and worry/anxiety
So…how do parents know if these behaviors and emotional reactions are significant enough to warrant additional support? It is important to consider frequency, intensity and impact on day to day functioning. Although these reactions are typical and expected given the circumstances, there may be a need for additional support If they persist for several days and interfere with the child’s daily activities. Trust your gut; if you feel like your child’s struggles are beyond the scope of “normal”, do not hesitate to reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
Even if your child’s reactions do not appear to require the assistance of a mental health professional, there are still some strategies that you may find helpful as you try to support them during these challenging times.
Structure and Routine: Providing some sort of structure and predictable routine helps children know what to expect, which may decrease their feelings of anxiety and worry. Each family requires varying levels of structure to function, so do not stress if your schedule looks different than that of your friends, neighbors or relatives. The important thing is to create a routine that works for you so that children have a sense of what each day may look like.
Encourage Contribution and Self-Management: Older children may be feeling a real lack of control over the current situation, as well as a loss of purpose. Encouraging them to contribute to the family’s day to day functioning can be helpful. Ask them to assist with cooking or chores or encourage them to help younger siblings with schoolwork. When it comes to their own schoolwork, allow them some freedom to decide how to manage their time. Open ended questions or suggestions (“How are you planning to get through your math today?”) rather than directives (“Go finish your math.”) may lead to greater buy-in and an increased sense of control.
Listen, Acknowledge and Validate Emotions: While older children may be able to articulate what emotions they are experiencing, younger children may need some additional supports. Visuals like anxiety thermometers or feeling faces may help young children express how they are feeling when they cannot adequately verbalize it. Regardless of how your child communicates their emotions to you, it is important for you to listen, acknowledge and validate how they are feeling. Show compassion and understanding, without necessarily trying to immediately fix it or make it better. Normalizing their emotional reactions can help make them seem less frightening or overwhelming.
Model Positive Coping Skills: Even the youngest of children are perceptive and can tell when parents are stressed. The key is to show them through your actions how to manage your own strong emotions. Model healthy coping strategies, such as mindfulness, deep breathing, journaling, drawing, exercise, etc. With older children, you can verbalize how you are feeling and what healthy steps your are taking to help you tolerate the uncertainty of these times.
Finally, please remember that as parents, we need to take care of ourselves so that we can support our children. This is a difficult and challenging time for all of us, and it can be easy to neglect our own self-care as we try to attend to the increased needs of our children and families. You may find yourself struggling with your own emotional reactions to this crisis; if so, please remember to be gentle with yourself and be willing to reach out for additional support.